Disconnection can be characterized by the unwillingness and/or inability to understand diversity and the differences within cultures and sub-cultures. Connecting with others is one of the single most important actions we can take for our happiness. The Creator never intended for humankind to be alone; Genesis (2:18) tells us “The Lord God said, it is not good for humankind to be alone…” In other words, humans were created to be social beings. Therefore, it is imperative for clergy and practitioners to know that we humans inhabit a world of diverse characteristics, culture, race, sexual orientation, faith, class, ethnicity, and so much more. When we don’t take time to “understand” others’ differences, we may miss an opportunity to connect with them: communities, neighbors, and even youth.

The word “understand” has many definitions, and I use “understand” here to know how someone feels, thinks, or behaves, and to achieve a grasp of the nature, significance, or explanation of something or someone.

In the 21st Century, youth are often considered peculiar people. People or groups may become peculiar for us when we lack understanding of them. There is a disconnect between generations, especially the Millennials—the urban youth culture. Today’s youth speak a different language, “slang language” (slanguage), and the hip-hop culture permeates our communities. In order for faith communities to serve all their constituents it is important that they become familiar with the youth culture and subcultures. The practitioner must enter the world of the youngster, while maintaining his or her identity in order to better understand some of the challenges that today’s inner city youth face.

Some inner city youths are raising themselves and/or their younger siblings with no adult supervision—the family system has been deconstructed due to poverty, incarceration, single parent homes, drugs, mental illness, and so much more. These young people have resorted to joining or becoming a part of “pseudo” families on street corners with friends, or in gangs. With the closing of after school programs, lack of mentorship, few recreational programs, and little to hope for, youth have turned to a “street way” lifestyle. This often involves violence, disrespect for authority, sexual promiscuity, drug use and abuse, truancy, and speaking in a slang that many adults have difficulty understanding.

During my 15 years of working with inner-city youth, several practices were noted in how the faith community approaches un-churched youth. Some of the ways organized religious groups attempted to engage these youth were:

1.  Religious groups had a tendency to follow a purely spiritual focus, primarily evangelism, with intent to proselytize.

2.  Services followed a standard format of singing religious songs/hymns (with which many of these un-churched youths were unfamiliar), sharing a short message from the Bible using church vernacular, leading up to an altar call or call to confess a conversion experience, and prayer for individual youth, if requested.

3.  Religious groups had difficulty understanding the difference between proselytizing and evangelizing; they had very few interactions with youth outside their formal religious services, and the religious leaders did not attempt to establish personal relationships, rapport, or even engage the youth.

4.  These religious groups expected the un-churched youth to come into their world, to speak their church language and to adopt their “church” culture (beliefs, dress code, values, etc.). They rarely tried to understand the youngsters’ narratives or even venture into their world.

This primarily evangelistic approach did not allow religious groups to speak in a language these youth understood nor to discover why these youths were struggling, which communities they came from, and how they could help them. Churches’ insistence on speaking “at” rather than “to” these youth derailed any attempt at making a true connection.

The Deficit of Individualism

In his book, Prophetic Pastoral Practice: A Christian Vision of Life Together1, Charles Gerkin states: “The resurgence of American individualism, now largely psychologized…has resulted in the ‘age of the self.’” He argues that while the principles of individualism have been embedded in our identity from colonial times, as outlined in the Constitution’s validation of each American’s right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” this emphasis escalated much later. During the early and mid-20th century, psychologists renewed their interests in studying individualism and promoted individual self-expression and self-actualization in therapeutic practice. This focus on developing the individual self and meeting the individual’s needs, often at the expense of the community into the 21st Century, has created significant changes in how faith communities practice their faith, and how people balance the need for individualism and establish boundaries within and among resident communities. In addition, the growing pluralism in America attempts to Americanize these diverse cultural groups. Cultural groups moved back towards retaining their cultural identities, customs, language, and practices. This, Gerkin noted, led to placing more premium on “otherness” and less on “sameness” as a cultural standard. These challenges in understanding diverse cultural groups resulted in loss of “real” connectivity among groups, individuals, families, and society resulting in more loneliness, isolation, fantasy lifestyles, and the “illusion” of social networks (families and friends). For many youth living in today’s individualistic, self-centered society, real human connection in real human communities has been replaced by technology and social media.

Pseudo Community versus Authentic Community

Pseudo communities imitate authentic communities. Pseudo communities are those in which there is no authenticity (everyone is hiding), those who appear to be different are excluded, and they do not provide a safe emotional space or psychological transparency; they are lacking self-awareness, and are usually damaging rather than healing to other members. The issue with pseudo communities is that they present as authentic communities; however, they do not have the characteristics found in authentic communities. When there is a void or a breakdown in authentic communities, pseudo communities usually step in to take their place. Authentic communities were created to live and thrive in. For example, an authentic community we were all created to be part of, is a family. Unfortunately, not every youngster today has the privilege of being in a family, and so they will join a pseudo community, such as a gang, in order to fulfill the needs normally met in a family. Healing does not happen in pseudo communities because people do not feel safe to be different. In fact, pseudo communities require members to reflect the group norms, or they are rejected.

The preferential responses when joining a community include:

1.  Assimilation: individuals feel the need to become like the group in order to fit in.

2.  Transformation: individuals feel the need to impact the group, as they become an agent of transformation within the group, by contributing new perspective, ideologies, and practices.

3.  Inclusion: individuals feel accepted by the community they are now a part of and are allowed to be their authentic selves.

4.  Exclusion: individuals leave the community or are rejected by the community they are a part of, since they don’t feel connected or do not conform to the community norms. They cannot be their authentic selves and do not feel safe in community.

In order for youth and others, to heal, they must become members of authentic communities, where healing is encouraged. An authentic community is one in which youth are allowed to “be” their authentic self, where they do not experience pressure to conform, and a place where their uniqueness is embraced. This is an organic caring and concerned community where people genuinely want to listen and to connect.

Emma M. Seppala in her column in Psychology Today, “Feeling It,”2 highlights the importance of connection to physical and mental health. She noted that while we all know the basic fundamentals of staying physically healthy, eating our vegetables, and getting proper rest, many of us fail to realize that social connections are as, if not more, important for our physical and psychological health. Seppala stated that the lack of “connection” is a greater detriment to health than obesity, smoking, and high blood pressure. On the flip side, if we are connected socially, there is a 50% chance of increased longevity. People who feel more connected to others have lower rates of anxiety and depression.

As we approach the holidays and the high holy seasons, find a way to connect to an authentic community, invite someone to be a part of your authentic community, try to connect with others that are different from you and see how significant connecting is for all of humanity.

Notes

1. Charles V. Gerkin, Prophetic Pastoral Practice: A Christian Vision of Life Together (Nashville: Abington Press, 1991), 32.

2. Emma M. Seppala, Ph.D., Connect to Thrive: Social Connection Improves Health, Well-Being, & Longevity (Psychology Today, In Feeling It: Emotional Expertise for Happiness and Success, column published August 26, 2012) Accessed at http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201208/connect-thrive.

About the author

Alfred Correa wrote one article for this publication.

The Reverend Dr. Alfred Correa is the founder and General Secretary of The National Association of Youth Chaplains, the first youth chaplaincy program in the country that focuses on youth culture. He is Senior Pastor of Huguenot Park Church with the Reformed Church in America. He is also an Adjunct Professor of Pastoral Care at New York Theological Seminary, Alliance Theological Seminary and Nyack/Alliance Graduate School of Counseling. He is a Board Certified Clinical Counselor, Board Certified Pastoral Counselor, and CPE Supervisor with the College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy.

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