The Importance of Self Care for Ministry Leaders
Self-care is defined as personal care without medical or other professional consultation. While this definition may sound simplistic, it seems that ministry leaders often do not use “self-care” for themselves. It is easier to advise others rather than to practice what they preach. They make sure that appointments are kept and point out the little things that could be overlooked to insure that everything is in order. This may mean that the caregiver does not get enough rest, and overlooks his or her own warning signals that their flame is almost out.
In ministry, the leaders–pastor, assistant pastor, or youth pastor–are all caregivers and often find their plates overflowing because they are unable to say “no” or ask for help. To achieve maximum efficiency as ministry leaders we may believe that we can take care of ourselves at all times and in all situations, but if we stop and reflect on what is happening in our lives, we may realize that we are after all, human, and need to take care of ourselves beyond our responsibilities to the church and our congregation. A dose of common sense would not only benefit us but our ministry as well.
Often we who are in ministry are doing things for everyone except ourselves. We run errands for family and friends, literally opening the doors of the church, or taking on an extra task that many agreed on, but no one else steps up to take the lead. It is easy to get caught up and not realize that in our diligence to do the right thing, we are beating ourselves up. We have to figure out a way to sometimes say, “No!” Where is it written that we must always take the lead on issues or jobs? Can we learn to accept being in the background some of the time instead of always taking on the biggest role? When do we rest, delegate to others, or admit to being tired and take a vacation? If we really want to succeed over the long haul, perhaps it is time for us to step back and rethink our priorities.
As I talk to my friends in ministry, many of whom are pastors, I find most are very busy people. They attend meetings, teach classes, and assist congregants with issues, sometimes walking them through processes, or advocating on their behalf, visiting the sick, and on and on. Some ministers are bi-vocational holding down non-parish, time-consuming jobs with major responsibilities, have families with growing children and yet they seem always to be available when someone needs a hand. One pastor told me that sleep got in the way of his getting things done. “Me, take a vacation?” I recently met a pastor who had not yet taken the trip that the church had paid for almost two years before.
“It is vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved.” (Psalm 127: 2, NRSV) There are several messages here: you cannot get everything done in one day; proper rest is important, and sleep rejuvenates body and mind. According to an article in the American Academy of Sleep Medicine journal, failing to get enough sleep affects one in five adults. Sleep deprivation increases the risk of certain dangerous medical conditions such as heart attack, obesity, diabetes, and high blood pressure. An online article from the Mayo Clinic reports that there is an increased risk of developing high blood pressure for individuals who sleep less than five hours a night: (www.mayoclinic.com/health/sleep-deprivation/AN01344).
Ministry leaders tend to try to control most aspects of their ministry for fear that things will not get done if they do not handle matters themselves. Realizing that we are in control of very little in life, I often tell people to take care of the things that they can and leave the rest to the Lord; when people actually follow that advice their stress levels will decrease. For example, taking a bus–by being at the bus stop a few minutes early, you would avoid unnecessary stress whether the bus was early, late, or on time. Learning how to delegate as a leader has several benefits. Letting go of some responsibilities can minimize stress because someone else handles the task; another benefit of delegating is preparing that individual for a possible leadership role. In Exodus 18, Moses, took the advice of his father-in-law Jethro who observed that Moses was exhausting himself by trying to solve all the problems of the people; Moses appointed judges to hear the people’s disputes, thereby lessening his own stress and freeing him to handle other matters.
Follow the example of the apostles in Acts and put the deacons and other willing people to work. Allow a few trusted members to take an active role in working with congregants. Free yourself to address issues that require your ministerial skill sets such as the vision of the ministry. In time, with others providing aid, you will find that your stress level will decrease and you will develop a competent cadre of willing workers.
Let us have more discussion about stress. Stress is the body’s mental, emotional, and physical reaction to situations that impact you. We each react to stress differently. Stress is an energy which can be compared to a rechargeable battery. If you continue to recharge the battery without utilizing any of its power it will wear down. The stress we carry is no different; when we add to the stress we carry and not eliminate or lessen previously stored stress, we wear down. As ministry leaders we must look to turn bad stress into a positive motivator. Church membership, budgets, hiring staff, etc. can add stress to the leader’s life. Sometimes prayer and meditation is that key to reducing our stress. In time of prayer and meditation try to do more listening than talking, allow that time to rejuvenate your spirit, realizing as the author and finisher of your faith, God has it all in control.
Diet and exercise play an important part in our need to care for ourselves. Eating the right foods to energize and nourish us along with proper hydration of our bodies is important in maintaining optimum health. In his book Clergy Burnout: Recovering from the Seventy Hour Work Week and Other Self Defeating Practices (2006, Fortress Press,5) Fred Lehr notes that a 2001 national survey by Pulpit and Pew at Duke Divinity School revealed that. “76% of clergy were either overweight or obese compared to the general population.” To avoid these problems, try limiting eating on the run, take the time to have balanced meals, and put the work aside so you can digest your food properly. With the recent rise in diabetes, hypertension, and obesity in our fast-paced society, we find that failure to count the cost of eating well is surpassed by the amount paid out to doctors and hospitals. Speaking of doctors and hospitals, no matter how good you feel do not put off the annual physical, but do not wait for that time to address health concerns.
Developing an exercise plan is necessary for everyone, but can be difficult to implement. It can be as simple as walking in your neighborhood, down streets that you don’t usually enter. As I started my own walking route, that I vary to reduce boredom, I noticed the architecture of the homes and the landscaping, or new businesses that I was unaware of. Consistency is crucial for any plan–especially exercise, so try to set a time that you will keep to. If you go to the gym, go at a time where you can utilize the machines that will help you achieve your goals. Consider finding a partner to walk or exercise with; it usually helps to keep you motivated. During the walk or an exercise routine, allow it be therapeutic, letting go of stressful issues. As a cancer survivor, I found out how necessary it is to reduce stress and listen to my body tell me when enough is enough. I am still very busy, but I take time to watch the clouds, laugh with my family and friends, and do nothing when the time calls for it.
At least one day a week initiate church-free time, which means, no phone calls, no mail, no counseling or visiting any church related issue. Stop feeling guilty because for the weight of the responsibility that you generally inflict upon yourself. If the people cannot survive without you for one day that suggests they are far too dependent on you and you on them. Thoughtful adherence to self-care places you in a position to avoid burnout and creates a balance between ministry and your personal or private time. Take in a movie or a play, plan a spa day, or take a mini-vacation—a conference or convention does not count!
Develop or join a support group with other ministers, creating a safe space to talk about ministry concerns that keep you up at night. This means that you will have to become transparent to achieve maximum results and the mask you wear around congregants and your family will have to come off. Stop walking this walk alone, and seek the advice and wise counsel of those who have been in your shoes. As Elijah found out ministry can be a lonely existence when you think God has no one else but you.
Forgive yourself for not meeting everyone’s expectations of you, and periodically do a self-assessment to find if you are being good to yourself. See if you remain in good standing with your spouse and children, because generally they are the ones who will keep it real and tell you where you missed it. In his book, Lehr (5) notes “Clergy families lack quality time together, thus eroding family identity and cohesion.” Let your spouse/family know how important they are to your success in ministry by creating harmony in the home.
Ministry is not glamorous as some perceive, and the life of the ministry leader carries weight to it. Sometimes the weight of ministry seems unbearable and adds a great deal of stress, but is it what God has placed on us or is it our inability to cast our cares on God? When I examine the Word of God, I never find a place or situation where God has not equipped a leader with a resource whether internal or external to deal with the matter at hand. When we make ourselves the focal point, we allow stress to create the disappointment and negativity that is sure to follow instead of asking God what to do next.
Time management, understanding balance, shifting priorities, sharing responsibilities, and stopping to smell the roses are tools that can be used to achieve greater self care. Many ministry leaders have burned themselves out trying to be everything to everyone; instead when realizing their limitations and becoming open to sharing the pie would have been more practical and efficacious. In Mark 4: 35-39 we find Jesus sleeping on the boat during a storm that terrified the disciples to the point that they feared death. His ability to sleep or rest during the storm is something that we should aspire to. Jesus was recharging his physical being and practicing self-care. As we continue to run this race, let us run wisely, and patiently, understanding that it is a marathon that requires conditioning of the bodies we have been given.
Here are some sites that may assist you on this journey to health and wholeness:
